Amanda - A Difficult Decision

Dear Journal,

I know you’ve put up with a lot over the years. I’ve told you absolutely everything: about Maxwell, about the fairies, about school, about my family. All of it. And honestly, you’re getting pretty full. I’m starting to think that it’s almost time to retire you. But before I do that, I have one last burden to lay on your metaphorical shoulders. It’s about Maxwell. I suppose that’s no surprise. All the troubles in my life seem to stem from Maxwell, but I could say the same thing about my joys. After all, if it weren’t for Maxwell, I might never have discovered you, Journal, and that would be a shame. He’s always kept secrets from me. I know that. I’ve known that since I was barely old enough to understand what secrets were. But at the same time, I’ve never really cared. He was Maxwell, and he was mine. Being secretive was just a part of him, and I took it in with the rest. Now, though… I think he might have finally come clean with me, and I don’t really know if I feel better or worse. Because, Journal, to save us both from the wrath of the Court, he wants me to turn him human. I told him no from the start. I said I couldn’t do it. I said I didn’t want to steal away his immortality. That’s all true, but it’s not the whole story. I certainly don’t want to take his immortality away from him, but it’s only partially because I want him to go on living after I’m gone. I don’t want him to resent me for it. I worry that if I turned him human, he would hate me as soon as he started aging. What previously ageless being would want to find wrinkles and gray hairs when they looked in the mirror? I can’t do something that would make him hate me. And there’s one more reason, even more selfish than the last. All my life, Maxwell has been all I have. You know that better than anyone, Journal. Everyone else has always distanced themselves from me for one reason or another, so Maxwell became my everything. And I know that for a long time, I’ve been all he has. His curse means that he can’t interact with other humans, and his disgrace means that other fairies don’t want to socialize with him. Truthfully, there’s a part of me, deep, deep down, that’s always been a little bit thankful for that, because it means that he couldn’t leave me. If he did, who would he have to talk to? But if I turn him human… he could go anywhere. He could talk to anyone. He could find someone else to make him smile. He could fall in love. I don’t want that to happen… but the more I think about it, the more I hate myself for feeling that way. Who am I to say he can’t have that? Who am I to limit him that way? I can’t be that selfish. I wouldn’t be able to live with myself. So I’m going to do it. I’m going to make him human. And if he decides to leave me… so be it. Maybe I’ll get a cat.

Your human,

Amanda

Author's Note: So, there's Amanda's thought process for you. Behold the long-reaching negative effects of emotionally distant parents! None of the kids are immune, although Amanda hides it better than most of the rest. She is a very private person, so we might be seeing more of her journal if she becomes heir, since that's where she expresses her feelings. This is one of the shorter epistolary style shorts, but I felt a little weird about writing this much unbroken text, especially with no dialogue. Legacy writing does that, I guess. Next time, Willow writes to Conor about her decision to stay in Midnight Hollow.