Felix - A Letter to the Future

Dear Baby,

I’m told that someday, you’ll want to know what we (me and your mother) thought when we found out we were going to have you. I have a hard time imagining you ever being old enough for that. I have a hard time imagining myself being old enough for you to be that old. But I suppose if you’re reading this, you are that old, and you want to know. I won’t lie, it was quite a surprise. I’m sure if you’re reading this, you’re old enough to have done the math. You know how old we are. You know that we were shocked. And yeah, I was scared. I still am scared. How am I supposed to know how to take care of a baby? I’m the youngest. I’ve never dealt with babies. And the idea of molding some little person, you, in my own image is terrifying. What if I do something wrong? What if I mess up somewhere down the line and you grow up hating me? Or worse, what if I end up like my father, incapable of paying attention to my family? I don’t think that will happen, but how am I to know? There’s no helpful little guide with all the secrets to good parenting inside. I know, I asked. I’m sure that like everything else, it gets better with practice, but that’s part of the problem. I don’t have any practice. I feel like I’ve been told to play a song I’ve never heard, with no music, and everything in my life rides on me getting it right. I really, really want to be a good dad. By the time you’re reading this, you’ll know whether I am or not, but right now? I have no clue. There’s still weeks before you get here, and I’m still trying to learn everything there is to know about babies. I’ve never been good at studying, but I’m trying my best for your sake. Your mother… she’s not embracing the whole parenting thing as much as I am. You know a lot better than I do how it’ll all shake out in the end, but right now… she’s restless. I hope she’ll love you once you get here. I tried to get her to write one of these letters, but she wouldn’t. I’m trying to be honest with you, honest about all of it, because I really don’t want to be my father. I don’t want to become the man who lies to his children on a daily basis, so I’ve promised myself that I’ll never lie to you. I’m trying to start early. So I’ll tell you: the idea of you is big and abstract and really, really scary. Sometimes I feel like I can’t breathe, because whose idea was it to put me in charge of a little person? I still forget to brush my teeth sometimes! But the reality of you… you aren’t here yet, I already told you that, but sometimes I’ll look in the little nursery we made and I can almost see you there. Or your mom will call me over because you’re kicking. Those are the moments when I have the most hope. Hope that she’ll love you. Hope that we’ll make it. Hope that we’ll be a family, a good family. Hope that maybe, just maybe, I can pull off this fatherhood thing. Now you’ve read this. You know what I’m thinking, why I’m scared, why I’m excited. If I know myself at all, I’m probably still scared, even with however old you are now. So, if you don’t mind too much, could you go tell me how I’ve done?

Love,

Felix (your dad)

Author's Note: This is it! The last one! It turned out a little different than I thought it would be, but it's still pure Felix. Now you have all the information you're going to get for the heir poll. Please vote as soon as you know who you want to vote for, but don't worry too much, because you have until July 31 to get it done. Heir poll is below:

Generation 3 Heir Poll